In the Springfield Shopping Center, is a restaurant/bar/pool joint called “Hard Times Café & Cue” that I’ve seen for many years, and apart from maybe the desire to play/practice pool, never thought about to go and eat there. That was, until I saw the red neon sign glowing bright to let passersby know that they have ‘Cincy style chili.’ I made a mental note that I would go and check out how well they mastered this mid western cuisine before leaving the area for my trip.
Today I met up with Tara at her eyebrow plucking session at Red Salon by the Springfield Mall. She had just rode 35 miles on the WO&D bike path with our friend Doug and said she was a bit hungry. Perfect, now I can go and check this place out. I was all excited to have a ‘new’ place to go, in all my excitement, I failed to realize that even though she’d agreed, her newly plucked eyebrows were up and a bit of a discouraging look meant to defer me from this decision was lost on me.
We went in the joint and as usual I asked to be seated at the table furthest from where I would encounter any cigarette smoke. We were seated right next to the door. Perfect. When handed the menu, I started to realize that I may have made a slight error but it was too late. We we here and I wanted to review their chili. The thing is, just about everything they had was bar food and half of that was slathered or bathed in chili. Okay, so maybe I’m no connoisseur when it comes to chili, but I know good food. How in the world can you think that one product (their chili) be added to just about anything and still be good. No way. Specialize, no hedging.
Tara wisely chose the ‘Sante Fe Chicken Salad’ ($7.79) while I proceeded to order the ‘Authentic Coney Dog’ ($6.79) and just in case I couldn’t eat that, I added the ‘Fish & Chips’ ($9.99). My rule of thumb for any establishment that serves ‘bar food’ is that if you can’t make a classic dish like Fish and Chips, you lack everywhere else too.
The Authentic Coney Dog was presented on a large white oval ceramic plate with two long hog dogs with buns covered in cheese and topped off with a spoonful of white onions. The onions and cheese were just over taking the top of the bun, which is how I think coneys should be presented. Alongside the two dogs was a mass of french fries known as ‘Roadhouse’ fries. They took up the other two-thirds of the plate and were visually, okay looking at best. They were not the type of over processed fries you’re likely to find at one of those fast food chains with the talking clown or freaky, ominous non-speaking king. No, these fries were of the wash and cut variety (my favorite) but had a much more browner hue to them, and it wasn’t from the seasonings.. it appeared to be from less than clean oil. Again, fries says a lot about the inner workings of a restaurant. Fair enough, looks aren’t everything.. time to taste. Ut-oh. Barely warm to the touch. I don’t like this, not one bit. Probably my largest pet peeve of the food industry, cold fries. Sigh. I know it’s not fair, but as I bit in this potato, I had already knew what it was going to taste like..yup, right again. Mediocrity sucks. Friends of mine wonder why I hate going out to eat. On to the whole reason why I walked into this joint, the coney dog. I was pleased that the dog was of a nice size and not some undersized meat product sitting in a loaf of bread. The end of the dog came right to the end of the bun, nice. When I picked up the coney, my little smile (formed since washing down cold fries with water), turned to frustration when I felt what should have been a warm bread bottom, that was instead a wet, soggy bun squish in my fingers. Well, even knowing what was going on underneath, I wasn’t about to put it down and start over, I might have well just walked out. One bite down. The hot dog was warm but I think it could have been a bit warmer and based upon two other things, probably was, when it should have been served. It’s pure laziness on the staffs part to have food like a hot dog sit while fish is being made. The ‘cincy’ style chili was, again, mediocre. I can’t say it was good, but it wasn’t bad either. It did lack the proper seasonings for Cincinnati style and it was a bit too liquidly for my taste, or for my buns consideration too. After the second or third bite, I only ate the dog and chili, the buns had turned in a disgusting mess and I wanted nothing of it.
All the while I was playing with my food, Tara had started in on her ‘Sante Fe Chicken Salad.’ Some of us can be silly when we go out to eat (I’m probably one of the biggest at this) and for a brief minute I thought Tara was when she was playing in her salad, looking for chicken. She kept asking, “where’s the chicken, this is supposed to be a chicken salad right? You ordered a chicken salad didn’t you?” “Hey!” I said in a tone to dismiss accusatory remarks, like I always screw things up, sheesh. It’s hard to screw up ordering only one of the six healthy items on the menu, the other five? Salads. Actually, there are seven salads on the menu, but I discounted the ‘Chili Salad,’ no joke, ($7.69) on the account that one, the chili is mediocre and if I am going to eat something that unhealthy, it better be good. Secondly, runny chili on salad, eww. So, Tara pawed around in her salad and just as the waiter walked up to ask if everything was alright, Tara starts tp ask if she was served a chicken salad, she stumbled upon a little piece. They should rename this Santa Fe Chicken Surprise Salad, because it would be a surprise if you found any chicken in it. Seriously. Her salad was huge and in all accounts I would give props to a place that gives enough for two complete meals, but this thing had five or six chunks of chicken, that’s it. I did try a bite of her salad, including the rare piece of chicken, and concluded that it had some pretty good flavors. The dressing really stole the show. While I don’t think it’s fair to go into great details about that dish, I wished I’d order that instead of the ‘Authentic Coney Dog.’ Hopefully my salad would have had all the chicken Tara lacked.
Finally, the Fish & Chips. This dish also came out on the huge white oval plate that the coneys did. Smack dab in the middle of the plate was this monstrous piece of cod, golden brown in an obtuse triangle shape. Surrounding the fish where all the ‘chips,’ the same ‘Roadhouse’ fries that was served with the coneys. These fries looked just like the others but were considerably warmer (but not hot) than the others. Even a change in the temperature did nothing to mask the blandness of the fry. On to the fish. Using my hands (gasp!) I tore off a piece of the cod, it was nice and warm to the touch. Peering inside this traditional fare, I noticed a bit more breading around the fish than necessary but not too much to get worked up on. This is probably due more to an untrained cook in the back than anything else. The cod was properly cooked and had good flavor, even with the extra breading trying to steal the show. However, the more I ate of the fish, the more and more I pulled off the breading to be able to just eat the cod.
All in all, I was not impressed with much at Hard Times Cafe. I am curious why the people I know went there so much. Perhaps they went for the pool tables and bar. I did notice a huge selection of beers on tap, probably 15-20 at one station in the café side alone, who knows what’s available in the pool hall area. Since I haven’t developed a rating system that I like or that is fair, lets just say that I wouldn’t recommend going to Hard Times Café & Cue in Springfield for any kind of meal. You won’t be happy if you do.
Hard Times Café & Cue, Springfield, VA: NOT RECOMMENDED